I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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