he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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