I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize