I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
