you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
not ubering you a puppy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
