apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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