weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
