I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
