I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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