I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When are your genitals available?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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