You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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