For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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