Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
