so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize