You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
