The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
