i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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