Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
