Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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