proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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