On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
