I'm lost and stupid without you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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