The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
