I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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