just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
