True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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