I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
