Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
