I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
