i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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