Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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