Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
