god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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