; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
