i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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