Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
