Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
