I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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