Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
