The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
