I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She bit a glass in half.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
