i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
