Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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