I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
