so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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