I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
