ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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