so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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