You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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