We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
