hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
