My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
