is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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