how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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