happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
