I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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