I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
