You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
