I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize