I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
