Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
