You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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