So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
