i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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