Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
