i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
